In Search of Cranberry Sauce (Or the grownup version of Where’s Waldo)

It never fails. Regardless of store, season, or time of year, finding a can of cranberry sauce becomes a major treasure hunt with endless stress and misleading clues. The clues change depending on the store more than the season, as if the CEOs have no idea of what cranberry sauce is or why it is used by countless housewives. I’ve found it in the baking section, the vegetable section, the fruit section, or on endcaps (usually only during Thanksgiving), but never in the same place twice and never where it logically should be found—right next to the Stovetop stuffing mix. I’m sure there are other products that tend to get shuffled around during the year in an equally capricious manner, but cranberry sauce tends to be the redheaded stepchild of the grocery store franchises. Unwanted, barely tolerated (along with fruitcake), at the bottom of the priority list of salesmen wanted to maximize profit margins.

Granted most stores’ logic in displaying food items is more about marketing than where a customer would look, but cranberry sauce is apparently a food group by itself. Even the stockers are confused and befuddled by the lack of consistency in where to find the cranberry sauce. I would even allow it on the sauce aisle since sauce is part of its name, however, I’ve never found it next to the turkey gravy either. And when I do finally find a can, it is never on the same level. Sometimes it’s up higher than eye level, sometimes it’s on the bottom shelf, sometimes crammed on the middle toward the end of the shelf. Lots of other items are consistently placed in a store, why not cranberry sauce? If I can expect to find sugar always on the baking aisle, or crackers with the cookies, in approximately the same place every time, why can’t I always find cranberry sauce in one spot?

I understand shelf space is at a premium and managers are often wooed by suppliers to promote various brands and items, but a single or double line of cans of cranberry sauce off-season isn’t going to interfere with merchandising. And putting it in the same place consistently means happy shoppers, whose frustration grows the longer they make a circuit of the store going up and down aisles looking for the elusive yet delectable treat.

While I don’t expect stores to stock loads of cranberry sauce out of season, there are those connoisseurs who enjoy turkey year-round and the feast isn’t complete without cranberry sauce.  Nor should it be impossible to find on the shelves in season or out. If even the stockers can’t find it (especially with modern technology of in store item location), something is seriously wrong.  This isn’t rocket science. Just pick a spot, even if it’s not logical, and keep it consistent!

It’s time to stop the careless, thoughtless shelving discrimination against this delightful holiday staple.

They Demanded a King

I’ve never been interested in politics mainly because politicians bore me. I consider them a step below actors who pretend to be someone they are not. At least, actors entertain; politicians make me want to punch someone. The American government was never intended to be a two-party platform, nor was it designed to elect the president by popular vote or because the candidate had the most money. A study of history reveals the wisdom behind the electoral college  through state electors who in chose candidates who were capable and proven leaders with the country’s best interests in mind.

But I digress. This isn’t a blog about politics, nor who is the better candidate or how we should conduct elections in America. It is about a much more disturbing issue—the increasing gullibility of Christians who put their trust in political figures instead of Christ.  Like ancient Israel, Christians are looking for a man to “save” them, to make their lives better instead of trusting in the only One who can do so. The ancient Hebrew people, led by God out of bondage, miraculously provided for with food and water in a barren desert, supernaturally delivered from their enemies on multiple occasions made the foolish choice they wanted to be like the nations around them. “We want a king!” they demanded.

God warned them. He told them specifically what a king would do for them and it wasn’t the love and concern God Himself had shown them. A king would tax them, put them to forced labour, take their lands and goods for himself whenever he pleased. “We want a king!” they continued to demand.

So God gave them a king and the nation went downhill as the king turned the heart of the people away from the Lord God.

The parallels are frighteningly scary.

Whenever Christians put more faith and trust in a human leader than in the God they claim to love and serve, we’re in trouble. It doesn’t matter which side of the political spectrum the candidate is on, no one man can replace God. Furthermore, we tend to place too much faith in a president when Congress itself is more responsible for most of the garbage the country’s citizens endure. It only takes a 2/3 majority for Congress to overturn a presidential decision, but the infighting and posturing means disaster for the country. So let’s share the blame for the nation’s difficulties with congressmen and women who don’t listen to their constituents but the folks with deep pockets.

I expect lost folks to put their faith in politics and human intervention. It makes sense they would look to a human leader for deliverance. They just don’t know any better. But Christians do. We know God rules over all, and He places the men or women in positions of power according to His design. So my candidate didn’t win, big deal. God placed the person in charge and He directs that person’s heart according to His will. He did it with Pharaoh and several pagan kings, why not American presidents? Furthermore, God often puts an evil, or harsh, or incompetent, or self-centered ruler in place as a result of His people’s sin in order to turn their hearts back to Him. Our responsibility doesn’t hinge on who we vote for; it hinges on our responsibility to pray for our nation’s leadership.

Paul lived under one of the worst kings of his era and rather than badmouth or seek to unseat said king, he challenged Christians of that day to pray for the king. Prayer isn’t a last resort in the Christian arsenal. It is a strong and powerful tool for protection, for seeking wisdom and deliverance. It is the first tool a Christian should reach for if we really want to change the world and our country. If more Christians spent time praying for the president, Congress, judges, governors, mayors, commissioners, etc. than we do touting our favourite political candidate, we would be amazed at the difference. No man or woman can withstand the almighty power of God when He decides to get a hold of a ruler and neither can a political party.

Meanwhile, Christians have politicized their Christianity instead of Christianizing their politics. And the results have been disastrous. If  Christians truly want to make America great again, provide a good life for everyone regardless of race and socio-economic background, then we’d better get on our knees and ask God to change hearts and transform lives. Change begins from the bottom up, not the top down and it begins with me and you.

SFT

 I often see spiritual truths in unexpected places simply because God is the Author of truth and is no respecter of where or when that truth pops up. God’s truth is written everywhere for people to see and to help lead them to Himself. It’s also why I can see beauty in a weed as well as a rose. And every once in a while a movie comes along that moves me deeply. Its central truth reaffirms and reflects the core beliefs of my life.

Such a movie is 7 Days in Utopia. It’s an older movie, one that was not well received by viewers simply because they missed the point of the movie. Yet the ending is one of the most powerful I have ever watched. Usually, I don’t like movies that don’t end the way I think they should or expect them to. You watch an underdog movie, you expect a Cinderella ending. However, I found myself almost cheering at the end because like Luke Chisholm I’d gotten the movie’s central truth earlier.

The old golf pro is trying to teach Luke how to play the game and gives him some Miyagi style advice: “If you don’t have conviction about who your foundation is that casual comment (about what you should do or how you should do it) will take you out of your game and erode your confidence.”

In a heart beat I understood and made my hubby pause the movie so I could write it down. Who not what. There in the midst of a golf movie is the central truth for all humans trying to find purpose and meaning in a life that is often chaotic, miserable, painful, or unpredictable. It is a truth that gives hope and strength and courage. How can I let others determine who or what I am if my foundation is Christ? If He is all I need, then what others have or strive for becomes meaningless. If He is my foundation, then who I am is more certain than what I do. If He is my lord and saviour, then my direction and purpose are set and I can be unwavering in my convictions and lifestyle.

It’s a truth I tried teaching my students long ago and I wish I’d seen the movie back then because its words were better than mine. Our value isn’t determined by what others think about us. Our value comes from inside us and once we find that we should hold onto it. Instead we often allow others to cripple us emotionally, destroy our confidence and take us out of the life’s game. Words have the power of life and death, yet we can take the sting out of hurtful words once we realize Whose we are. As Socrates said, “to thine own self be true.”  In sports terms, “it’s not whether you win or lose, it’s how you play the game.” A truism we used to believe until we lost sight of what was most important in the scheme of being top dog with all its accompanying millions. The idea that someone could walk away from that lifestyle and pursue anything else was ludicrous. Yet here came a movie that reiterated this truth. That the most important things in life are relationships: faith, family, friends. That our value isn’t in what we do, but whose we are.

Be still and know that I am God.  Simple words, yet words we find difficult to grasp in 21^st century America whose god is busyness, striving after success, and leaving our mark. As parents and teachers, we train children to value performance over character by praising their work ethic “good job!” It’s so subtle and ingrained we aren’t even aware of the harm we are doing in churches by insisting that “good Christians” are always busy “doing” instead of “being.”  That’s why it is so hard for us to accept God’s unconditional love for us, to see our value in His eyes, to rest in fellowship with Him instead of constantly trying to earn it.

In viewers’ response to the film, I see the reflection of our spiritual struggles. We want life to be about what we accomplish, what we do. It is much harder to live a life that matters more about who we are. The struggle on Luke’s face as he wrestled with his purpose, his identity and whether he could trust that his value was in who he is, not what he did, is a very real struggle for humanity. In the end, it really didn’t matter whether he won or lost, it was how he played the game.

Tipping Point

It always amazes me that when the media, be it social or otherwise, wants to create strife or stir up trouble about a topic, they use an emotionally laden question that is the wrong question. Recent controversy over the matter of tipping a server has blown out of proportion and instigated a trend that vilifies customers for not tipping cashiers at fast food places. The emotional overtones are the poor folks working for less than minimum wage as if somehow it is the customer’s fault and our responsibility to pay these folks a living wage.

Tipping origin stories are as varied as the places that guilt customers into the practice. Where I grew up, tipping was a token of appreciation for courteous service with a smile and good attitude. While tipping isn’t merely an American custom (I once saw a sign in a restaurant for a band overseas that read, “Tipping isn’t a city in China,” not every culture practices it. In fact, in Japan the custom is frowned upon as workers take pride in doing their jobs well. And maybe that’s one of the reasons for the controversy in America. Many workers don’t take pride in their jobs, much less in doing them well. The job is just a paycheck, not a source of personal achievement or respect.

However, the real question concerning tipping isn’t whether or not customers should tip and how much they should tip, but “whose responsibility is it to pay the workers a living wage?” Even though there are laws regulating a mandatory minimum wage, many restaurants and fast-food franchises have found a work around. If a worker gets tips, then the company can reduce their wages (thereby increasing the owners’ profit margin) and make the customers responsible for providing the workers’ salaries. While it may not be illegal, it is definitely unethical and there should be a public outcry against the companies not the customers. Also, if Congress really wants to help us, they should take steps to ensure such practices were illegal instead of passing laws that encourage such a mentality.

While I am very sympathetic to the person working a below minimum wage at a food vendor and depending on tips, I have a severe problem with paying a tip (often equivalent to the price of a single meal) to a server with a bad attitude or who never checks back. Not every person who comes into a restaurant or fast-food place has money to burn. Often folks have budgeted or saved up for a meal (even at a local fast-food joint) and being peer pressured into adding 20-25 (or more) percent tip to the bill for someone who merely rings up the purchase is ludicrous. Tipping a bad server only encourages bad attitudes and performance. Tipping should be reserved for those who go beyond the normal service to provide an excellent experience.

As for vilifying the customer, I’m reminded of an incident where a server, feeling like he’d not received a sufficient tip for his service, followed the customer out of the restaurant to yell and scream at the older couple and demand they pay up. Folks, he might have been in the right and they may not have tipped him sufficiently; however, his attitude in the way he reacted leaves me doubting the veracity of his statement.

Just a final thought: my own tipping practice is to tip generously at a sit-down restaurant where I can order from a menu. If I’m standing and ordering from an overhead menu, I’m not going to tip. Fast food vendors take note: stop being greedy at a corporate level and treat your workers well. It will be more beneficial for you in the long run in terms of both customer and worker loyalty.

Pointless Pastime

One of the features on Kindle I’ve never understood is the constant underlining that shows up in a e-book I’ve just purchased.  I can understand my underlining parts I need to reference, remember, or refer to; however, I really don’t need others’ opinions to colour my experience. For me, it’s like buying something supposedly “new” and finding out later it has been used.

I understand that Kindle provides a way to deactivate the feature, but you must do it for every book! (If you know of a way to deactivate this feature permanently on a laptop, please email me!!!) As an avid reader, I resent the time I have to waste hunting the right formula to deactivate underlining every time I want to read a Kindle book. As a reader, I expect to find underlining in used books I buy at a resale shop, but that kind of underlining usually isn’t in any of the fiction books I purchased. When I buy a new book, whether digital or print, I want it pristine and fresh, not all marked up to make me wonder and wrack my brain why the previous reader marked it.

As an author, that kind of marking is generally useless. If you find an error in my novel, just email me about it. I’m usually pretty good about making corrections for the occasional error that slips through proofreading, but having one reader mark something that every single person reading my novel is going to notice is insulting.

Let me put this in perspective. For several years, I was editor of a small-town newspaper. We had four people reading copy every Tuesday before printing the edition on Wednesday. And yes, stuff still slipped through. It happens to traditional and big publishing houses as well (though most people don’t talk about it); I’ve noticed errors such as the same paragraph repeated, an entire page added twice, an occasional word left out, etc.  The drawback to a weekly paper is that once it’s in print, you can’t fix it.

I had a good friend in another state that received our local paper during my tenure as editor. And every week he would email me an oops-o-gram and point out all the mistakes that slipped through. It was annoying, but he was a friend, so I endured it. The thing is, what good did it do to point out the errors after the paper was printed? We couldn’t fix it; we saw the errors; and only once did we need to print a retraction for a wrong name.

Readers’ underlining of e-books tends to do the same thing. And unless an author goes back and rereads the digital copy or print edition after publication, the chances are he’ll never see the underlying. If a reader really wants to help authors improve, drop us an email. With technology, errors are no longer permanent. We can correct and upload even print versions again with the click of a button. All underlining does is call out the problem to other readers who might not have noticed it in the beginning.

A corollary issue with reader underlining is sometimes they underline things that are not wrong. I have a degree in journalism and have been an English teacher. I’ve been writing for over 40 years, so I’ve plenty of experience with grammatical rules and word usage. I’ve been puzzled more than once to see underlining in one of my books of a sentence that was grammatically correct. There’s no error, however, it sets up doubt in other readers’ due to the underlining that something about the sentence must be wrong.

I’m sure there’s a Kindle algorithm that tracks all this, but can the algorithm determine whether there’s an error or whether the sentence resonates with the reader and is one he wants to keep forever? Yes, readers should have the ability to underline fav passages; however, to automatically make it where anyone who purchases a digital copy can see said underlining doesn’t contribute anything.

I’ve had a couple of readers point out some places that slipped through proofreading and I’ve been greatly appreciative of their efforts. It allowed me to pull the book, make the corrections and return the book to the public arena. Readers who merely underline problem passages are like folks in a crowded restaurant who see me with spinach between my front teeth and yell out so everyone can hear “Hey! You’ve got spinach between your teeth!”

What is that smell?

One of the minor annoyances I have as a reader is an over or under use of smell in a story. Somewhere, some writing coach or English teacher told a class “You should always include all five senses in a paragraph.” While inclusion of all five senses heightens description, all of them shouldn’t be included in a paragraph…unless of course, the main character is in a restaurant or at home eating a meal…and then only if all five are germane to the plot/action. I used to tell my students “3 out of 5 make a strong paragraph.”

For instance, the texture of oysters isn’t really germane except when the heroine is trying to be polite on a first-time date (although if she’s one of my heroines, she would have ordered for herself or spoken up to say she didn’t want oysters).

I guess what annoys me most is the inclusion of scent in most romances between the MC and the love interest. I mean, seriously, who goes around sniffing another person’s body odour? I can understand it if the MC is wearing cologne or perfume and it triggers a strong reaction in the love interest, but unless a person is in direct contact and there’s a reason, it’s just annoying. For instance, I love it (and do notice it) when my husband wears original Old Spice aftershave, but I don’t generally go around deciding what he smells like when he isn’t wearing it.

What role, then, does smell play in a story?

In limited capacity it can add to the description of the setting. The overly sweet fragrance of roses filled the old-fashioned garden.  Now the reader knows there’s a boatload of rose bushes in this garden without the author having to talk about all the varieties.  Smell is like salt—it should be used sparingly in description and used on purpose, not just to fill space.  I’ve always wanted to use the following conversation to describe a faraway city (true story, by the way).

The young bride stood beside her husband, gazing over the boat rail at the mishmash of the foreign harbour city.

“What is that smell?” she demanded, nose wrinkling.

“What smell?”

Can’t you just picture the scene? There’s something horrible she can’t identify, but for him, having grown up in the city, there’s a myriad of smells and he needs her to identify which one and whether it’s bad or good.  I loved this conversation the first time I heard it decades ago and it still sticks with me.

For the most part, I think smell should be used to evoke memories or emotions as its primary usage. The other day I was walking on the woodland trail near our home when a particular scent instantly transported me to my childhood home with a variegated hedge that attracted lightning bugs. I can’t tell you the name of the hedge, but the scent instantly transported me to warm summer days and late nights chasing magical bugs. The fragrance of sugar, vanilla, and cinnamon to create a sense of well-being and being home; the scent of citrus and urine and hot concrete of a foreign city, strange yet simultaneously familiar; the tang of salt spray and fish for the shuddering horror of nearly drowning; or spicy pine and wood smoke combined with the jingle of bells evoking a cozy winter Christmas.

Another use of scent is to further the plot. Fragrance can help motivate decisions, deepen character or provide clues to move along a series of events For example: The detective noted a hint of the outdoors, like cedar shavings, clinging to the woman’s coat.  Most unusual for a librarian who spent her days indoors. And it goes without saying that in a romance novel having the heroine notice a different perfume on her boyfriend’s shirt would definitely create problems!

Here’s a writing challenge for you: go through one day being aware of the scents around you. When do you notice? Why do you notice? Is it a scent that lingers with you or is it just a passing moment that surfaces for a second and is lost the next in the midst of daily life.  Keep a list, then use those moments in time to pinpoint where you need smell in your writing.

Being “Sexy”

While joking with my husband about a recent lingerie purchase I mentioned that at my age “sexy” wasn’t happening in terms of clothing as companies didn’t make it for my age/shape.  Then I overheard a talk show host talking about “sexy” food and she wasn’t referring to oysters. That got me to thinking about how true “sexiness” is a far cry from the common misconception of the word.

The generic definition is something that “excites or appeals,” which is often limited to a one-dimensional reference to something that leads to a physical act. In reality, it should refer to character attributes and daily kindnesses that have more lasting qualities.

I seem to be on a “list” trend lately, so here goes. Things that are really “sexy”:

A spouse who regularly takes out the trash or does the dishes

A spouse caring for an incapacitated or ailing spouse day in and day out (think long term illnesses)

Sitting together in armchairs reading

Enjoying a sunset or rain shower together

A spouse who fixes breakfast

The spouse who does the taxes

Listening to music together

Going to the doctor together

buying groceries together

And the list goes on….

What becomes exciting and appealing in a relationship is all the tiny, mundane, daily choices that lead to being together, doing things together, helping one another.  One of those impactful stories on relationships I read long ago is the article that talked about enduring love and the author mentioned watching an elderly couple quietly eating dinner together in the restaurant without saying a word to each other. The author was a bit jaded about the boring old folks until the couple got up to leave and the old lady stumbled. The elderly husband immediately (and with risk of falling himself) caught a hold of her arm and steadied her.

Folks, that’s sexy!

Stories that Linger…

I know that somewhere among the blogs I’ve written over the years I’ve mentioned the poignancy of stories that stick in our minds long after we’ve forgotten the title or author, especially in reference to one particular story (and I still can’t tell you the title or author even though I finally located a copy). In reflection on stories that linger, I’ve come to the realization that what is more important to me than the excitement of having people read and enjoy my novels or the thrill of getting a royalty check (no matter how small), is the intense satisfaction if somehow a story connected/resonated with readers so it impacted their lives long after I’m a forgotten memory.

These are the stories that continue to linger, that move me in some subtle way that words can’t define. These stories stir feelings that perhaps the author never intended, yet are now deeply embedded in my life. They are woven into the fabric of my being and I am better for being transformed in some small way:

The research scientist whose compassion is stirred for the Neanderthal child she is studying and breaks all regulations to return to the past with him as “mom”

The beleaguered wife of the future inventor struggling to make ends meet who finds value in the time machine that only returns to one spot across from a butcher shop during the Great Depression

The astronomer studying the remains of a highly advanced civilization preparing for their doom who discovers the supernova that destroyed them was the one spotted in a Bethlehem sky

The dystopian world bent on destroying everything of beauty and the little boy who ends up clutching the only thing remaining of the Mona Lisa…her smile

The priest striving to communicate his faith to an alien species on a distant world through music only to discover they have always been one with the Father

These and others constantly remind me that perhaps an author’s greatest obligation is not merely to tell a good story, but to impart a kernel of wisdom, of truth, of faith to give us something to cling to when the world falls dark around us, something to help us get back up in the midst of the daily struggle, a way to connect to a universe more vast than anything we can possibly imagine.

It is this transformational aspect of story that keeps me reading an intriguing tale even if it’s not well-written by current standards. It offers hope that there are stories that need to be told, even if the format of telling is amateurish or poorly done, for while the “packaging” may be of poor quality that in no way mitigates the value of the story itself.  The value seeps into our subconscious and lingers, melding with us until the story is only whispers, gossamer threads connecting us to feelings, places, people or time.

Attention Span of a Goldfish

It’s said the attention span of a goldfish is about 9 seconds and sometimes I wonder if that’s about the same for modern society. (Actually, according to Microsoft studies, the human span is less than 8) Certainly, technology and social media, not to mention Google, Quora and TikTok have made us an instant society craving immediate gratification. I’m often reminded of Sonic the Hedgehog (I’m waiting….) as we allow less and less time for products to titillate our entertainment circuits.

What does this have to do with writing? (Give it a Sonic second; I’ll get there.) I’m talking about the current dogma that insists if a writer hasn’t grabbed a reader’s attention in the first sentence the book is hopelessly lost. First, we need to realize while a good story does interest a reader early on, those “first sentence hooks” are designed to grab agents and publishers, who sift through thousands of aspiring novels daily and only have a limited number of opportunities for a book deal. Just to make it out of the slush pile an author needs a compelling first sentence to keep agents and publishers reading.  But do readers actually pay attention to the first line of a book and judge an entire book by it?

Let’s look at some first sentence examples:

We came to Birchwood Manor because Edward said it was haunted.

It was a dark and stormy night.

It was the best of times; it was the worst of times.

The first thing you learned on the job as a Hollower was to never trust your eyes.

It was a pleasure to burn.

Once there were four children whose names were Peter, Susan, Edmund and Lucy.

One thing about Faerie is that they seem to naturally to drift toward the cliché.

“Whether I shall turn out to be the hero of my own life, or whether that station will be held by anybody else, these pages must show.”

In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.

Kali McAlister tapped a wrench against her thigh as she contemplated her invention.

It was glorious fun at the time.

It was love at first sight.

The box was placed in the exact center of the desk.

The first time I watched the television series Downton Abbey, I wept.

Iemasa heard the knock on the door.

Can you tell which are the New York bestsellers, which are classics, which are indie? Which would have you reading the next paragraph? The next page? The rest of the chapter? If the book isn’t in your favorite genre to read or by your favorite author, is it enough to whet your curiousity?

I think if we are honest with ourselves, most of us would answer “No.”  As readers what brings us to the majority of books we read are a favorite author or series, a well-loved genre, sometimes a cover or description or a recommendation from a friend. Even if we hate the first sentence we’ll stick with it because it’s our author, series or genre. If it’s new, we’re liable to keep reading a while to see if it holds our interest.

It is important that we as writers craft the best possible opening, but this isn’t a hill we need to die on. Not everyone is going to find that perfect first line, nor will it grab every reader. But we can craft an interesting first chapter that will keep the reader engaged. I can’t tell you how many English literature stories did NOT engage me that I was forced to read, but there are hundreds of books without a stellar first line that piqued my interest.  Sometimes it was a character, or setting, or just the way the author phrased something that intrigued me and kept me reading; then before I knew it I was invested in the story and had to keep reading.

As we mentor each other in the writing game, polishing our craft and encouraging each other toward excellence, let’s not become OCD about certain “rules” to the point that we cramp style, stifle creativity, or leave new writers mired in the swamp of perfection. While agents and publishers might have the attention span of a goldfish, give readers a bit of credit for sticking with us a little longer.

Pondering the Absence of Graciousness

My husband recently ran across a letter from his great grandfather to his great grandmother during those folks “courting” days. (Compliments of S.L. Stovall  to Miss Emma Saverance and asks the pleasure of her company next Sunday evening (missing word) Sunday School. ) I am amazed at the graciousness and refinement of a West Texas farmer, especially in light of the way modern history views that time period as culturally uncouth.  Yet there is a preponderance of historical documents that demonstrate such graciousness and refinement across most of rural and urban America at that time. A result, not only of the sophisticated universities in large cities, but the dedication of rural teachers who taught grammar, elocution, along with the basics and coached students in the production of plays, music, and community events. “Copperplate” handwriting, an elegant form of cursive writing was common and even the most illiterate of folks were gracious and respectful in their speech. And before someone decides to slam me for “romanticizing” those times, yes I do know there were evil folks then just as now who did not display such graciousness, but I am referring to the majority of people at the time.

Men knew how to be gentlemen regardless of their occupation or background and did not deem it “sissified” to be mannerly. Brawling wasn’t accepted, although boxing was. While westerns paint those without guns as “dandies”, that term was originally reserved for those upper-class gentlemen who spent an inordinate amount of time on clothes and personal hygiene. And even those gentlemen were handy with gun and sword.

When did we lose that graciousness? Was it the horrors of a world war that stripped men of their ideals and kindnesses? Was it the reaction of womenkind who despised the brokenness of those returning from battles, lost in the cruelties witnessed on battlefields? Was it the innate nature of humanity that reacts negatively to abuse and harshness?

I do not know. Yet, we have lost something precious and infinitely wonderful by stripping men of the tender side of their nature, requiring them to be either “brutes” to prove their manliness or “milquetoast” without any backbone for fear of insulting someone or losing face.   A man’s strength comes from a unique blend of meekness (strength under control) and his ability to defend and protect. One without the other is useless. A case in point is the classic Star Trek original series episode The Enemy Within.

Let me quickly say, there are many men who are still gentlemen, who are strong protectors and defenders, yet tender and gracious in their treatment of others. Unfortunately, Hollywood and modern writers seem unable to write such men. Modern “heroes” are either brutes or emasculated. It’s very sad and many times I’m so disgusted at the lack of respect given men that I’ve put down a book or turned off a program. I’m not holding out for heroes, but I do think we need to believe, look for, and write about moral men with strength of character, kindness of heart, and integrity. They exist, they are real and should be lifted up as models of manhood once more.